Top Ten reasons why I Chris McClean HATE Ezekiel
by Imagi
Summary: It's well known that Chris McClean is not fond of Ezekiel for no apparent reason other then he's Ezekiel. Now for the first time the host's true top ten grievances are revealed! This is a DAILY UPDATED STORY :) Sorry for the wait, the next chapter Mr. PUMPKIN HEAD is now posted! :D
1. Prelude

**Top Ten reasons why I Chris McClean HATE Ezekiel**

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**Disclaimer**-Don't own Total Drama.

**A/N**-It's well known that Chris McClean is not fond of Ezekiel for no apparent reason other then he's Ezekiel, so I'm giving him some reasons to really loathe Zeke!

That's right! From Chicken pox party to the Big and Not Big Ray I'm gonna torment the hell out of the host! XD Also references to past seasons may be made and any of the 22 characters from Total Drama Island (22 NOT 24 and besides Zeke) will appear….

But who and when…NOT telling! :D

So without further ado…let the Chris ranting (in italics) begin! :D

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_You know over the course of the many seasons of Total Drama, I Chris McClean have had the pleasure of crowning more than a few teenagers the Kings or Queen of Total Drama Whatever!_

_But for every shining diamond there are an endless bunch of wannabee glass ones!_

_This brings me to the dirtest of the bunch, Ezekiel! Or rather IT the demented creature freak who used to be a semi human. I mean what's not to NOT like about IT? He's chauvinist, He's ugly, He's a country hick, He's ugly, He doesn't know when to quit, he's ugly and did I mention he's ugly AND he takes up way too much camera time?!_

_And if that wasn't enough a reason to lovingly ban the misogynic cling on from any future shows and erasing each and every reminder of said freak, turns out IT creature formerly known as the Homeschool LOOOSER no one cares about…actually HAS people who care about it! I mean who knew right?_

_When it comes right down to it besides the usual normal Ezekiel traits, being an ugly homeschooled brainless hick…there are actually ten count them TEN different reasons why I Chris McClean HATE double underline highlight HATE and I mean HAAAATE Ezekiel!_

_And just cause I feel like it I'm going to list them all! Starting with Reason number 1…The Pumpkin Patch!_

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**Imagi's Ramblings**: Prelude short and sweet! The reason why Chris hates Ezekiel and Pumpkin Patches are up next! And be prepared…he will rant (italiacs)…schemes will be thwarted and he will be tormented! XD

This is also planned as a DAILY update story so stay tuned for the DAILY torture of Chris McClean! Also torment ideas welcomed! ;)

Imagi


	2. I Love you Mr Pumpkin Head!

**Author's Note:** _Before I continue with the first of the daily updates let me say this to critic and gummygirl. I do NOT hate Ezekiel. To date I have carved several Ezekiel pumpkins (one which won a TDI honorable mention), went to Fan Expo 2010 wearing an Ezzy shirt and different Zeke buttons attached to my personal bag and that's not including my fanfiction stories almost all which feature Ezekiel as the lead character; the most famous of the bunch of course being 23 Presents….a Christmas Ezekiel redemption story._

_For those who know me best, I am absolutely FANATICAL about keeping characters in character as much as possible all while putting my own unique twists, humor and imagination into each story. THIS story states in the very title __**I Chris McClean**__. And Chris McClean in Season 3 has a crystal clear vendetta against the homeschooler Ezekiel. It is shown from the very moment Zeke left the bus, but no clear reason was given for Chris's extreme dislike for the toque wearing teen. _

_This story is about Chris McClean ranting and retelling 10 different encounters (ALL of which will torment Chris in some fashion) with Ezekiel. So yes. There will be Ezekiel hate because that is Chris McClean. To write him in a heartwarming way is like writing a Noah story without his deadpan sarcasm….something is lost in the translation._

_So go ahead Flame me! If you feel like slapping me in the prelude then I've done my job keeping Chris McClean in character. With that said I'm continuing the story. _

_And remember…italics mean Chris mental speaking and in the very end it's him ranting. ;) Enjoy folks! :)_

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_**I Love you Mr. Pumpkin Head!**_

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"Hey Everyboody! Can you say it's poompkin toime eh?"

"PUMPKIN TIME!"

"Wot toime is it?"

"PUMPKIN TIME! PUMPKIN TIME! PUMPKINS! PUMPKINS! WE'RE GONNA GET SOME PUMPKINS!" Owen suddenly yelled out happily causing everything to fall silent and all eyes on the kid filled bus to fall on him including those of the homeschooler up front holding a microphone."

"Ummm…heh heh…We're…gonna get some pumpkins? Owen chuckled nervously as he gazed from the silent kids to the frowning short brunet in the toque. Finally Ezekiel grinned back.

"That's roight eh! And now that the bus is almoost filled we can-"

Perfect understandable words were abruptly replaced with rapid strings of foreign gibberish which added to Chris McClean's foul mood as he sat in the back of bus as far away from the screaming, bouncing annoying and mostly rubbish speaking brats that dominated most of the bus.

_Next season I'm thinking boat. Or maybe cliff...anything that I can throw Social Clueless off of! _

The raven haired host thought venomously as he remember the moment one missing bigot teenager stormed into the pool area at Playa des Losers a mere thirty minutes ago interrupting the start of the special leading up to the newest and greatest Total Drama season EVER!

Clever barbs at Home school's very being were shot down before they began when the irate teen bluntly stated something about the hotel, a bus…or something like that…it was the naive homeschooler after all who knew what that guy was thinking!

_Stupid sexist farm…THING!_

To the beloved host's annoyance, tuning out toque boy led to unforeseen consequences…unanimous teenage loyalty. As one extremely forceful CIT firmly stated, he the ridiculously handsome Chris had planned the next drama filled special spur of the moment. Ezekiel had planned a special field trip weekend for all the hotel staff's kids and their friends for months.

While each other teen had their own varied opinions on the issue, it wasn't anything of true importance…so what if there were five plus buses outside the hotel full of kids expecting a fun field trip? Kids could simply be sent home to wherever and told to come back on days when Total Drama wasn't currently in season. Maybe they should look into three years from now on a Wednesday… Done set everyone that mattered was happy.

It was the sarcastic bookworm maliciously pointing out with a smirk over the horrors waiting in the wings if he the beloved and caring host didn't comply were the final coffin nail.

_My hair stylist, Coffee grunt, wardrobe specialist and almost the entire behind the scene lackeys on the show just HAD to have their kids on Ezekiel's happy farm weekend!_

Grinding his perfect pearly whites together at the very thought of being one of the "volunteer" bus helpers under the direction of Ezekiel and the other master translators/group leaders' (each on a different bus and Ezekiel was in the front seat where he Chris McClean SHOULD be) direction for the next three days made his stomach do flip flops especially every time when the first season loser talked.

_Someone anyone! Do something to shut him up!_

"So with that said, sit back and enjoy the roide-Ey watch it eh!" Ezekiel blurted out as Total Drama's infamous delinquent boarded the bus and pushed his way past.

"Oops…didn't see you there." Duncan smirked before swinging into the homeschooler's formally empty seat to the latter's annoyance. From the back Chris grinned.

_Ha Ha! I KNEW I liked that punk for some reason! _Chris cheered to himself as the highly un-photogenic outcast fumbled with his microphone once and then twice as a cheerful Lindsay also walked past him with a little version of Courtney carrying a flying pig.

_See that?! Dropping your mike twice, being ugly, and losing your place…tsk tsk! Stay out of the limelight where you clearly DON'T belong! _

The bus jerked abruptly sending the yelping prairie boy to the ground and the kids, Duncan and himself into laughter. Sheepishly the brunet got back up to his feet and stared at the punk who shrugged uncaringly before scooting over reluctantly allowing the prairie boy to sit back down.

Watching the drama brewing under the surface brought a smile to television's number one best looking host ever.

_Ignoring the brats who can barely understand English, Mr. Unpopular who surprisingly can speak more than English and the fact that I Chris McClean was FORBIDDEN from being a group leader when CHEF got to be an assistant one…this day might not be so bad after all!_

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Thanks to Ezekiel's surprising connections, the pumpkin farm thing…orchard...Thing let's go with thing…was rented for one precious hour. While the teenage freaks and Owen helped the mass of kids onto the tractor tram with the long wooden benches along with the farm workers, Total Drama's most charismatic host EVER looked for his own way to help.

Luckily for him he found it in the food barn next door. With an over abundance of bakery fresh goods and several farmer daughters with long sleeved low cut tops and tight pants more than ready to serve, there was absolutely no reason why he Chris McClean should deprive them of his personal time.

With his mouth open slightly to accept some of Candy's homemade cider, the raven haired host was content that all was right in the world.

"There you are eh!" Ezekiel snapped out angrily appearing from the side like an unwanted virus.

_Ignore him. Focus on the Lovely Miss Candy, Eda May, Penny and Sandy. Mmmm…Sandy's pumpkin doughnuts are scrumptious…_

"Noot you. And since I'm group leader everyboody-"

_Blah Blah Blah…yakedy yak! Homemade cinnamon apples you baked yourself Miss Penny? Don't mind if I do… _

"Boot if you want me to play tuff, I'll play tuff eh! Knoo we have to-"

_Tough?! Ha ha ha! Don't make me laugh! You're a pushover freak! A little more of that luscious caramel over here Eda May…yeah that's it…drizzle those app-_

"Ladies, can I get yoor assistance please? I can't-"

_Ha Ha! Get their assistance?! Dream on Homeschool! Super hot chicks like this don't go for-_

Chris was abruptly knocked out of his thoughts when something warm, pleasantly firm and doughy was smashed into his face. Startled he looked up in time to see the smiling farmer's daughters…not so smiling.

_What the? When did that-_

"I agree with Sandy's non verbal response! How dare you! This is supposed to be a fun day for the kids and your ruining it you insensitive pig!" Penny cried out punctuating her words by smashing her own dish of food on top of his gorgeous locks before he could react.

"Wait what?" Chris said in confusion his vision partially blinded by the cinnamon treat dripping down his face. His eyes narrowed at the sight of the smiling prairie boy.

"If you were listening to me earlier I said I only rented the farm privotely foor an hoo'ur so we could get everyboody's pompkins withoot all the kids being overwhelmed by all the crowds that always swarm this place!" Just as fast the farm boy's expression saddened.

"And after getting everyboody on and searching foor the missing bus helper its goona happen anyway eh."

Hearing a guttural growl from the formerly sweet females and seeing the large gallon jugs of apple cider now in each of their hands, Chris started to panic.

"NOT THE HAIR! NOT THE HAIR!"

***SPLASH***

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_How do I hate the prairie boy let me count the ways! _

Chris growled audibly under his breath as the tractor pulling the tram splashed heavily into a mud puddle causing shrieks of laughter from some of the kids as they got sprayed. The lovable host however clenched his mud splashed fists tightly imaging it was a certain outcast's neck.

Especially as he started that god awful chant that everyone even a smirking Duncan joined in. Owen though clearly had other things on his mind…which to his growing horror he just wasn't thinking mentally.

"Pumpkins! Pumpkins! We're gonna get some…oooh is that cinnamon apples I smell with just a hint of dandruff? No No…Remember it's the little kids day! Pumpkins first than food that's what Zeke said! You're a big kid! More will power! If the little kids can do it you can too! Then again…Chris's sleeves are still soaked with yummy apple cider…maybe I could just lean over and-"

"NO OWEN!"

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Even with an extra fifteen minutes the farm hands had kindly added to the twenty minutes that Ezekiel had left there was almost no time to waste. That is if you wanted to spend your time running down endless rows checking pumpkin after pumpkin for the perfect pumpkin.

_I may be cold…and I may be sticky, but there is no way I'm going out there in that dirt and mud pit!_

So like the good host he was he agreed to stay on the tram and help the kids load them on as they found them.

_And if in the process he just happened to prove himself a far better leader then a certain sexist brunet…_

Chris McClean chuckled wickedly to himself as the first of the doe eyed girls walked up with windblown hair and a bright smile and carrying a pumpkin almost half her size. Slowly and carefully she extended her pumpkin out waiting for the beloved and hot Total Drama host to take it.

"Here I got it…got it…"

***SPLAT***

"Oops don't got it! The host chuckled as his slackened hands caused the pumpkin's downfall. The girl stared at the destroyed pumpkin as her eyes became heavy with tears and she ran crying hysterically from the tram.

As more kids with pumpkins started to approach the transport Chris grinned.

_Ahh… more happy children! Now to choose…who should have their happy pumpkin dreams smashed too?_

Sadly that was the last thing Chris remembered as his world somehow went dark…

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_There were hidden camera men. How could I Chris McClean master of hidden cameras NOT see the hidden camera men taping everything?! And to make matters worse Ezekiel had set up a special showing of the various day's events inside the crowded dining room at the hotel that evening and had given everyone FREE DVD copies for a wonderful reminder of the fun day they had._

_FUN DAY MY *BEEP!*_

_So once I Chris McClean recovered from my CONCUSSION caused from Devi aka Courtney junior who THREW her pumpkin at moi's head for destroying her friend Angel's pumpkin on purpose, I finally got to see the footage for myself the next day. And sure enough it was all EZEKIEL's FAULT!_

_If he didn't plan this stupid hick trip in the first place I wouldn't be AT a pumpkin farm in the first place, I wouldn't have been knocked out by Courtney junior's pumpkin and Duncan wouldn't have carved a pumpkin to look like Mr. Coconut!_

_That's right! MR. COCONUT! Right after Duncan put THAT on my head both Lindsay and Owen came up to the tram with their own pumpkins and instantly begged for pictures with MR. PUMPKIN HEAD!_

_I mean seriously! Do I LOOK like a stupid goofy mascot to you?! And Ezekiel after finding out that Angel's pumpkin was mysteriously destroyed just ENCOURAGED IT!_

_Every single person…EVERY SINGLE PERSON that was on that bus has a picture with themselves and their pumpkin SITTING NEXT TO MR. PUMPKIN HEAD! _

_This brings me to Reason number TWO why I HATE Zeke…Halloween Costume Shopping...minutes after I find out why people were calling me Mr. Pumpkin Head!_

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Imagi's Ramblings: Did my best to get this done in a day...I should have known by now never plan things…more times than not the world says NOPE!

Anyway I had my little doggie throwing up, a pair of squirrels gets inside my house and my power went off. Good news is doggie is better, one squirrel is back outside and the power is back on.

Now if I can only convince the other one that squirrels belong outside….wait...wait...it's going…going…YES! It's back outside! :D

So yeah. Oh and Devi is one of my reoccurring OC's. She is a little girl mini version of Courtney who is mortal enemies with Izzy and dislikes everyone except for Duncan or Courtney. And she has a temper. ;)

Hope you liked Chris's first torture…read and review and I'll try to post as soon as I can….and as Chris stated...his nightmare/Ezekiel's field trip week continues with HALLOWEEN COSTUMES! Thanks for reviewing I appreciate it! :)

Imagi


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